Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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