loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
