Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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