How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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