She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
