So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
