It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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