Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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