very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
