peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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