I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize