Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
