If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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