Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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