K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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