the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
