I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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