Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
