Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
