ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
