you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize