TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
