'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
our cab driver is having phone sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize