Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
