..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
