I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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