Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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