My friends, they love my intelligence
Barsexuality is the new black.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize