The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
