eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
