I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
