And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
