Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize