i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
