I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
