the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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