Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
