Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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