Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
