my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
