halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
