Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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