Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
