I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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