She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
