direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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