Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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