How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
