I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
