I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
