I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize