whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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