Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
