it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize