I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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