So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
