One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
