I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
