i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
