Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
