Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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