I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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