I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
