Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
