Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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