Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
