If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
