that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize