remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
