Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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