Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Girls should come with a carfax report
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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