I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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