I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
