Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
