Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
