my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
