I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
