just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize