Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
